The villagers ceased in Israel;
they ceased to be until I arose;
I, Deborah, arose as a mother in Israel. (Judges 5:7)
I never had the chance to be with either of my grandmothers as they passed. The pandemic kept me from Grandmom Victa, and family struggles separated me from Grandmom Glenn.
So, when I found myself sitting in my mother-in-law Carolyn’s room on her final evening, I felt a sense of honor.
As my brother-in-law Danny shared, I often wonder what I did to deserve being part of this family.
From the moment I met them, Daniel and Carolyn welcomed me with open arms, just as they had done for so many others. Yet, the privilege of belonging to this family isn’t something you grasp right away—it dawns on you slowly, over time.
In our 25 years of marriage, Kati and I have often lived across many places—Maine, Florida, New Hampshire, Texas, Pennsylvania—often the family farthest from Carolyn geographically. And yet, in the past few days it’s been effortless to find pictures of her with all eight of our children, evidence to her presence at every stage of their lives……
Pictures of her holding our children as newborns, pictures on the beach, pictures at Bears Springs. There’s plenty of pictures of each child with Nani. Tons of pictures. She flew to Texas to be with us during our crazy move across the country……and later drove with Pepe to Pennsylvania to visit us at the farmhouse.
How she was able to have enough love to go around to all our children, 17 other grandchildren, and 15 great grandchildren—is beyond me. Love oozed from her, and she had enough love to go around to everyone, and then many more. Because I know it is just as easy as we can find pictures of Nani with our 8 children, there’s seven other families able to easily find pictures of Nani with them! I join the chorus of many others who have testified to this truth: I never once heard her speak an unkind word.
Sitting by her bedside, one word came to mind: matriarch. She was a true matriarch. In Scripture, the matriarchs—Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah—are the covenant mothers through whom God faithfully established His people, Israel. These women, chosen by God’s gracious design, played vital roles in fulfilling His promises, nurturing the seed of Abraham that would bless all nations.
The biblical texts suggest their primary role was their families, and thus they were essential for the building up of the house of Israel. Carolyn’s love for her family mirrored that legacy.
Here was a woman who loved her family, and as the family grew, she loved even more. That love was evidenced by her love for the Lord, and the teaching by example for all those around her to love the Lord, too.
The day after Carolyn passed, the pastor spoke to the family gathered in her home. His words struck me deeply: he called her “a mother in Israel.” That phrase resonates even more than “matriarch.” It’s a term rich with meaning, reaching beyond the maternal impact of continuing the lineage.
“Mother in Israel” is used metaphorically to describe symbolic or spiritual motherhood. For instance, Deborah, a judge and prophetess, is referred to as “a mother in Israel” when she says, “I, Deborah, arose as a mother in Israel (Judges 5:7). She was a leader and protector of faith for God’s people. Likewise, Carolyn was a mother in Israel—a woman whose life of faith in Christ pointed everyone around her toward Him. In her death, she was pointing all to faith in Him. In Scripture, Israel is the elect of God, the church (Galatians 6:16), and Carolyn’s legacy reflects that maternal and spiritual motherhood.
Her loss feels immense. I grieve that Kati can no longer call her mom at the end of a long day, hearing that comforting voice on the other end. With Faith about to move to Boston and Malacai to Worcester for college, Kati and I found some solace knowing they would live five hours closer to Nani and Pepe.
With the due date for our newest child just days away, the weight of this loss is hard to put into words.But then I think of what a mother in Israel does. She leaves behind a heritage. She makes an impact so big, God ensures the continuation of the lineage and of the faith. Through her steadfast devotion, she shapes the lives entrusted to her, just as we see in the mothers of old.
Samuel would not have been Samuel if Hannah had not been Hannah. Isaac would not have been Isaac if Sarah had not been Sarah. While salvation does not run in the blood, we know God is a God of families. Timothies typically have mothers and grandmothers who taught them the Gospel and demonstrated to them a life of godliness and faithfulness (2 Timothy 1:5; 2 Timothy 3:14-15).
In His gracious covenant, God delights to work through households, binding generations together in the promise of His redeeming love, as He did with Abraham and his seed. Thus, the faith of one like Carolyn becomes a witness, calling her children and children’s children to the same sure hope of Christ. Her life was a living testimony of that faithfulness, a gift that now calls us to remember and honor her.
We honor her as one who loved all my children and set before them an impeccable example of what it means to be a Christian woman.
We honor her for building and sustaining a family so remarkable that it might seem like a fantasy to those who didn’t witness it firsthand.
Most of all, we honor her as a mother in Israel. May God enable us to steward the legacy of faith she leaves behind, to the glory of God alone.